Raising Ebenezers

No, this is not about how to turn your child into a Scrooge.  It is also not about how selfishness has creeped into our society and turned us into Scrooges.  This is about a different kind of Ebenezer-the Hebrew kind.

The Hebrew word Ebenezer means a “stone of help.”  There are places where the root of the word, Eben meaning stone, is used as a way to remember an experience with God.  In the book of First Samuel, Samuel takes a stone and places it at a certain place to mark “this is how far God has brought us.”  In Genesis Jacob erects a stone at Bethel to remember that God was in that place and he did not know it, after seeing the angels ascending and descending a ladder in his dreams.  These stones of help are landmarks on their journeys of faith.

Unfortunately raising Ebenezers is no longer a spiritual practice.  I say unfortunately because this could easily be one of our most practical, life-giving and discipling practices.  Even the unintentional shadows of landmarks that make their ways into our lives are often helpful.  When we look at pictures or artifacts from a particular point in our lives we find that they have the power to point us back in the right direction.  But because they lack intent their power is not often realized, and we find ourselves simply reminiscing about a better time rather than finding our way again.

Before I get to what I think this spiritual practice should look like I want to briefly explore the primary reason it is both necessary and difficult in the modern world.  We are not good at taking time nor are we good at reflecting.  We are an activity- and productivity-based society, and even when we do slow down it is to be entertained.  This makes us very pragmatic and allows us to produce more than all of human history, but we don’t often consider the collateral damage, and we are willing to ignore what might otherwise be considered questionable means.  This cycle keeps us from reflection while simultaneously convincing us that reflection is unnecessary/impossible.

So here’s the spiritual practice: Be aware of times when God was in this place but you did not know it, times when you face a difficult choice and you tried to follow God, and times when you recognize that you could only have gotten there by God’s help.  When you know one of these things has happened go find a stone and mark it in such a way that it will remind you of that moment, that decision and of God’s faithfulness.  Raise an Ebenezer, make a landmark that can point you right when you get lost.  Keep raising Ebenezers, marking them for each distinct experience.

Imagine what your life might look like if you did this.  Imagine if every time God showed up in an unexpected place or way you had a reminder that God is not bound by our limitations.  Imagine if every time you had to make a difficult or confusing decision you had landmarks to help guide you.  Imagine if every time you were tempted to take the easy route or give up you had a reminder of what God has done in your life before.  Imagine if every time you thought you were beyond redemption you had a reminder of God’s grace.

Try it out, raise an Ebenezer and see what it can do for you in your journey of faith.

 

Freedom and Worship

I love an unexpected noise or moment in worship.  Whether it’s a baby crying, a pencil being dropped or an unplanned silence, I think that these are as important to our worship as all of the planned stuff.

I know that there are many people who don’t feel this way, and I understand why some people don’t appreciate what could be considered a distraction or even a disruption.  This is a valid point of view.  It’s not the only point of view, though, and I think that when this point of view wins out we lose as much in our worship as we may gain.  In fact, how we feel about random noises and mistakes in worship probably says a lot about how we feel about worship in general.  This is not bad or good, just something we should be aware of.

If we think unexpected noises and moments in worship are a distraction or a disruption then our focus in worship is likely more on order, organization and a well executed production.  There are right ways to worship in this mindset.  There are many elements of our worship that fit into these categories, and they can be very edifying.  The recitation of the Lord’s Prayer, responsive call to worship, most of how we do communion and the offering, congregational singing and how we are seated all point to order, organization and production.  These are good, but can be restrictive.

On the other hand, if we enjoy unexpected noises and moments in worship our focus in worship is likely more on energy, expression and participation.  There are different ways to worship in this mindset.  There are some elements of our worship that fit into this style, and they also can be very edifying.  The sharing of joys and concerns, the children’s moment, some congregational singing and sometimes the sermon point towards expression and participation.  These are good, but can create chaos.

So what are we left with?  One way of worshiping is particularly restricting while another is particularly chaotic.  Is the correct answer to try to balance both, what we are doing in our current worship service?  Do we have the balance right or do we need to change it some?  I feel like there is a third way somewhere.  Not a  compromise between the two but a way that embraces the best qualities of order and expression, of organization and energy, of production and participation.

I am not certain how we do it, but I am certain it will take a lot of effort, involve a lot of mistakes, and not everyone will like it all the time.  I am also fairly certain that there will be markings if we are doing it right.  First, we will find freedom, which is what Jesus said He was sent to bring.  We will find connection with and places within the Body of Christ.  We will find new ways for people to use their unique gifts to worship.  We will find the deep beauty of ancient elements of worship like the Doxology, Gloria Patri and Lord’s Prayer.  Worship will become something all who are there are a part of, even the babies making noise.

 

Maybe I’m Crazy

I’m crazy.  Maybe not certifiably insane, but crazy.  I first realized this when I was 16 years old and have not yet seen much evidence that would convince me otherwise.  I’m okay with this, because I’m pretty sure Jesus was too.

Have you ever paid much attention to what Jesus said and did according to the Gospel writers.  I mean, really paid attention to it.  There was this guy who was blind and he asked Jesus to help him, so Jesus bent down, picked up some dirt, spit in it and rubbed it on the guys eyes.  It kinda worked so Jesus did it again.  And the guy could see.  Another guy told Jesus that he had followed all of the commandments but wanted to be sure that he would enter the Kingdom of God.  This guy was rich, and Jesus told him to sell all he had, give the money to the poor and then follow Him.  Another guy, this one with leprosy, asked Jesus to heal him, which Jesus did, and then He told him not to tell anybody what had happened.

Jesus did so much crazy stuff that His family started to worry about Him and tried to bring Him home in order to protect Him from Himself.  I think we, as in most Christians, tend to be like Jesus’ family, trying to mute His craziness, giving “context” to some of His more out there teachings.  We do it by making the stories of His more ridiculous actions more about how miraculous they are, not about how weird they are.  He  wasn’t telling everyone to sell all they had and give it to the poor, just the rich young ruler because Jesus knew he had a greed problem (thank goodness he was the only one with a greed problem).  He didn’t want word to get around about the healing because everybody would have tried to stop Him from His real purpose, being crucified.  Who cares how he did it, the blind man could see!

I think one of the biggest disconnects for someone unfamiliar with Jesus is in reading the Gospels and then seeing Christians who seem completely normal and assimilated to society.  It doesn’t matter how many Not Of This World stickers or shirts we buy and display, we are of this world.  The idea of branding ourselves as Not Of This World is, in fact, Of This World.  Actually living out Jesus’ teachings like loving our enemies and praying for those who persecute us, that’s crazy.  And, really, it’s just easier to put on a t-shirt that says something than it is to live it out.

But, in the thinking of our society, Jesus was crazy.  If you think that I just picked and chose a couple of random stories to prove my point, think about the most important choice Jesus made.  He voluntarily went to the cross to provide forgiveness to the very people who were killing Him.

And I’m beginning to think that my problem isn’t that I’m crazy, it’s that I’m not crazy enough.  My main shortcoming as a disciple of Christ isn’t that I occasionally sin, that I’m not always nice, that I’m not productive enough or that I don’t lead enough people to God.  Sure, all of those things are shortcomings, but they are byproducts of the main shortcoming.  Jesus told us that in order to follow Him we should take up our cross.  My main shortcoming is that I’d have to be crazy to follow Jesus, and I’m just not that crazy most of the time.

 

Doing What We Know We Should Not

My brother and I made a deal almost two years ago.  I would lose weight, to the tune of getting under 220 pounds and then remaining under 230 permanently, if he would do something I thought he should do.  I struggle with my weight, a lot.  And I know what the problem is, I like to eat a lot.  When I do it, I know I shouldn’t, but I just won’t stop myself.  I’ll eat a quart of ice cream in a sitting because it tastes good.I make some progress and then I go backwards, progress, then backwards.  I currently weigh 258 pounds, which is 15 pounds less than I weighed when we made the deal and 25 pounds less than I weighed three years ago when I started at Bethany.  But, it’s also 39 pounds that I have to lose and 29 pounds more than my permanent goal weight.

I’m not worried about my weight because of how I look.  Actually, I don’t look as heavy as I am and I generally am pretty okay with how I look.  The problem is it makes my life harder, more painful and likely shorter.  Carrying the extra weight means extra work to do anything.  It also means my joints and back hurt when I do anything particularly active.  And we all know what fat does to life expectancy.  This is also the reason my brother made the deal with me, he said he wants me around for awhile.  For some reason, though, I won’t convince myself to put one scoop of ice cream in the bowl, to have one burger or one hot dog and only what I can fit on my plate at a cookout, or that 30 Cheez-Its (2 servings) is more than enough.

My brother accomplished his part of the deal a little over a year ago, and from what I know he continues to uphold it.  Thankfully he has decided to be the example in our deal, not holding it over my head or going back on his part because I haven’t done mine.  He let me know his part is done and I know I need to do mine.  He also seems to recognize I am trying and making progress, but he is showing me a good deal of grace.  In that grace he is showing me a picture of God’s Kingdom, whether he knows it or not.

See, God has made a deal with us, as individuals, as communities of believers, as a species and in so doing God has sealed a deal between us as well.  Here’s the deal; God has said that we will be forgiven again and again and again, and continuously invited back into the Kingdom, that God will continue to be active anywhere and everywhere we allow, and that through this work the Kingdom will be built.  Our part is to welcome God in and dedicate ourselves to something that we may not see the fruits of in our lifetimes, something that we are likely to doubt is possible for as long as we live.

We will doubt it because of the last part of the deal, the part that seals and requires each of us to take our part in the Kingdom of God.  We will doubt because we feel certain that everyone else won’t do their part, because the ultimate outcome has the requirement of everyone’s participation.  And so, oftentimes, we leave our part of the deal undone too.  Why should we believe in this Kingdom when we know that what it requires is impossible.  This is a reasonable and fair kind of doubt, one that cannot be argued, really.  All I can  say, all any of us can say, to this doubt is I know the deal and all I can do in the deal is my part, to set an example of how we can each do our part, invite and welcome others into their parts, continuously extend grace to those who don’t and wait patiently for the Kingdom.

My brother has help up his end of our deal in spite of my failures, missteps and occasional binge eating.  He waits patiently because he wants me around for a long time.  This is the Kingdom.  The door is open, whenever we are ready to enter.

I think I’m gonna go eat some carrots.

 

 

Mistakes, I’ve Made a Few

And then some.  This Sunday I am preaching on messing up and redemption.  I want to use a personal story, the problem is that I have too many to choose from.  My goal on Sunday is to get across that there is nothing that we can do to make ourselves unredeemable, so I want it to be a pretty big mess up.  You’d think that would narrow the field pretty significantly, but I’ve still got a number of options.  I used one in a blog last week, http://wp.me/pO6ct-3N.  As I have been thinking about all of these mistakes, the biggest ones, I have noticed that there is not just one mistake but a multiplicity.

The biggest mess ups of my life have happened because I did one thing wrong, and then tried to cover it up and then lied about the cover up.  It’s a scenario we see a lot with celebrities as well, but I think it’s pretty common among normal people, just without the cameras.  When I was a senior in high school I got a speeding ticket.  It wasn’t my first but for some reason I thought that this would be the ticket that would push my dad over the edge.  So, I tried to cover it up, pretending like it didn’t happen and hoping it would go away.  It didn’t and the court contacted my dad to let him know what was happening.  So, I lied to him, told him I didn’t get the ticket and I didn’t know what it was all about.  I kept lying and he finally went to the Clerk of Court who showed him my signature on the ticket.  (BTW, he forgave me and still loves me)

I was certain that what I had done was unforgivable, for whatever reason.  So I covered it up and then lied about it.  I think that’s one of the lies that is most destructive and also most perpetuated.  If you mess up don’t let anybody know because they won’t forgive/love/like/be friends with you if they knew your mistakes.  In fact, we live in a society that suggests we should only allow people to see us when we are at our best, perfected, or at least covered up.  It is these expectations and lies that create the biggest catastrophes and the gravest mistakes.

Even worse, many churches tend to tell people the same thing.  Show up looking your best.  Follow the bulletin.  Don’t let your baby cry.  Stand up and sit down at the right moments.  Don’t tell people about your struggles, sins, mistakes or deepest pains.  Many churches, without meaning to, communicate the message that only perfect people are allowed.  I am thankful that Bethany has allowed me to make numerous mistakes and still accepted me as its Pastor, and it is my hope that anyone who visits will find that as well.

Here’s why.  We are all flawed, we all make mistakes, we all mess up.  But that’s how we learn, that’s how we grow, the mistakes and mess ups are what God uses to make us the people we were created to be.  It is only when we dive into the waters of God’s grace and swim around that we learn what freedom it gives us to try, to grow, to learn and to realize that perfect is a lie.  We were not created to be some idyllic perfection, we were created to be unique individuals, learning and growing together.  If we can’t admit our mistakes, we can’t learn from them, we can only attempt to be something that goes against what we were created to be.

The choice is left to us.  As individuals, we can choose to continue to try to cover up our mistakes, run away from them, hide from them or pretend they don’t exist, presenting a fake shell to the world and shackled to a group of lies.  Or we can jump in, taste what true freedom is, swim in the vast waters of God’s grace and live into who we were truly created to be.  As churches, we can choose to uphold societal standards, and teach others that there really isn’t forgiveness.  Or, we can be the place where those waters of God’s grace pool, where flawed but real individuals come and where people learn who God created them to be.

Come on in, the water’s fine!

 

Benjamin Moore Paints with Benjamin Moore Paints

I have heard a lot of comments about my name over the years, most of them having to do with the fact that I share it with a paint company.  Well, this weekend my wife and I decided to do some painting and so we headed to the paint company that bears my name, thinking it was only fitting and hoping to get a laugh out of the employees.  When we registered our paint color choices under my name we got the hoped for laughs. Ironically, using the brand of paint that bears my name, I learned something about myself this weekend as well.

I’ve done a little bit of painting here and there, mainly on mission trips and other church service projects.  Never before have I had to do the taping beforehand, and never has it been more imperative that the job be done right, as I, and more importantly my wife, were going to have to live with the results.  So, I started taping up the walls.  It is a particularly frustrating thing to tape the walls, especially in corners and at the baseboards.  In fact, it is the level of frustrating that would usually leave me doing a thoroughly mediocre job.  See, when I get frustrated I just want to get done with whatever it is that was frustrating me, the quicker the better.

Usually, when I start to get frustrated doing a job, working on a project or trying to write I quit caring about the finished product.  I’m not a quitter but I am most definitely a corner cutter.  There is a feeling that resides somewhere deep in my gut that starts the moment I get frustrated and just intensifies the longer I spend frustrated.  It is a miserable horrible feeling that I am convinced will end up dragging me beneath the surface of some nonexistent water and drown me if I can’t free myself from it.  The frustration takes hold and my only goal becomes to escape it, thus escaping the watery death it would have in store for me.  I wish I could say I am dramatizing this feeling for effect, but I’m not.

So, the feeling started again almost the moment I started trying to tape up the walls.  Of course, I knew that cutting corners wasn’t going to be good enough and I was going to have be willing to drown if that is what it was going to take.  And so I set about my business, placing one end of the tape just so, and then the other end and smoothing it out.  Pulling it up and starting over when it wasn’t straight, or when it didn’t overlap the other piece of tape just so.  Again and again and again I placed pieces of tape, trying to keep them as accurate as possible.  The feeling didn’t go away, but neither did my determination.  In the end I can’t say that the job was perfect, but it was pretty close.  It far exceeded my normal standards of mediocrity and I didn’t drown.  It was a job I could feel proud of doing.

I wish I could say that I banished the feeling this weekend, that I have conquered my demons with a one time stand and frustration has no power over me anymore.  But then I sat down to write something else this afternoon and I really didn’t like it.  Without realizing it I just plunged on trying to escape the feeling I was going to drown, just trying to finish it before the life was sucked out of me.  I had 500 words written by the time I realized what was happening.  I put the piece aside, remembering that it wouldn’t drown me if I didn’t finish it immediately, knowing that I could take it back up and ever so carefully work with it until I got it just right.  It won’t be perfect, but it also won’t be a mediocre piece of junk that was just written to get it over with.

I know the frustration will come.  The fear of drowning will envelope me again and again.  But I learned something about myself this weekend.  I may not be able to banish the feeling.  I may not be able to avoid the feeling.  But I can certainly work through it patiently and I still won’t drown.  It’s just a feeling, one that I have to live with and one that can’t stop me from doing my best.

Living a life of faith can have the same kinds of frustrations, the feeling of drowning and helplessness.  Sometimes we are tempted to take short cuts, to do just enough to get by, to live a mediocre life with a mediocre faith.  If we persevere, if we give it our best, we will find that it was worth it.  We will find that we have a faith and a life that is meaningful and abundant.

 

 

Second Chances

When I was 15 years old and a freshman in high school I did something that thousands, probably millions, of other high school students have done over the years.  I lied about forgetting a paper that was due in order to try to avoid trouble.  This may not seem like that big of a deal but I went to a school with a strict honor code and I could have easily been expelled for this violation.  Thankfully I had a teacher, as well as an adviser, who were more interested in my being able to continue my education than in strictly enforcing the rules.

I thought I had gotten away with the lie, as most teenagers think before they are caught, only to get called into my adviser’s classroom.  He told me that he had heard that I forgot my paper and he didn’t want my word to be called into question, or for me to lose points for turning in the paper late.  He offered to drive me home to get my paper and bring it back so that I could have it turned in on time and no one would think I was lying.  I was caught and admitted that I was lying, terrified that I was about to get kicked out of school.

I wasn’t.  The teachers talked to me and told me they were not going to hand me over to the honor council but that they would be keeping a close eye on anything else I did.  It’s possible that they were also showing some grace to my mom, who taught at the school.  Either way, they gave me another chance.  I wish I could say that I was a model student after that, but that would be another lie.

This is actually one of the more mild examples of second chances I have received in my life.  Still, it’s hard to imagine that I would have ended up where I am today if I hadn’t been given that second chance.  I am a pastor, a husband, and a seminary graduate due to that second chance, and many others along the way.

Oftentimes we believe that people will only learn lessons if we punish them, if they receive justice for their wrong doings.  I can’t say that I was never punished, but as often as not in my life I have received grace.  That’s taught me something that I try to carry out in my ministry, to extend grace to others, to give second chances even when they are not deserved.  I learned this because we learn from the actions of others, not from lessons they try to teach us with their mouths.

Yesterday I came across a movement called People of the Second Chance.  You can find out more about them at www.potsc.com if you are so inclined.  Here’s the thing.  As a church I think we are all people of the second chance.  We worship a God who granted the cosmic second chance.  When humanity crucified His Son, God did not wipe it out, but found a way to create a second chance.  We can choose to be more justice/law oriented, but then we are not teaching the Good News of second chances.  If we are going to proclaim Christ resurrected then we should proclaim it with our lives, offering second chances in the way we have been offered a second chance.  We should also be open about our second chances, sharing them so that others might offer or receive second chances of their own.  Without them, none of us would be here.

 

Defining Ourselves

So, there’s been a lot of anger, vitriol, hatred and bigotry going around lately.  It seems to be coming flying from all directions and at this point many Christians are fighting against other Christians.  A lot of disgusting, degrading and dehumanizing things have been said and in response a lot of others have rushed to oppose, repudiate and degrade them.  This has actually, in many ways, become the overall cycle of the conservative vs. liberal world we live in but I don’t think it should be that way with Christians.

There are a lot of reasons why this kind of back and forth vitriol is bad, some theological and others more practical.  From the practical standpoint it doesn’t make a ton of sense to give someone you think is wrong, misled and possibly speaking dangerous words your microphone.  Really.  In this day and age when we have so many platforms from which we can speak, facebook, twitter, blogs and other social media, giving someone our microphone allows them to reach a ridiculously large audience.  Why would we want to do this?  Furthermore, if you think that they are a bad representation of your faith, why would you spread the person’s words?  You aren’t embarrassing them.

Secondly, you do nothing but reinforce their idea that they are right by attacking them.  Jesus tells his followers they will be persecuted if they follow him, it’s going to happen.  By striking back all that happens is those who spread the vitriol in the first place can say to themselves and their followers, “See, the devil is coming after us, obviously we are right.”  By shouting and sneering the only thing that is accomplished is that we help reaffirm those who already feel pretty certain about their own beliefs.

It’s not just about them, though.  Any attack made through social media is unlikely to affect significant change any way.  There is not a deep enough relationship with those we would like to see changed for change to actually happen.  But, what happens to us when we feel it necessary to stand up and repudiate those we disagree with is pretty significant as well.

First, there is the problem of humility/ego that rears its head.  There are two ways that seem most obvious.  First, I don’t think many of us really expect to change those we disagree with as much as we want to be accepted by those we do agree with.  By repudiating we say, look I am not like that, I agree with you and I do so openly.  I am a great defender of (insert ideals here)!  Secondly, there is a self importance in thinking that we have to be the ones to stand up and repudiate those others.  It seems to me like every time a biblical character got a little too self important bad things happened.

Finally, the real problem is that this just isn’t the way Jesus instructs his followers to act, and even Paul would have had a problem with seeking revenge.  Jesus told His disciples that they will be known for their love for one another.  That is how followers of Christ are meant to define themselves.  There are many Christians who are defining themselves as against this or that, or as not this or that.  That is not how Jesus says we will be known though.  So, instead of feeling the need to define ourselves as not like them, or even against them, why don’t we try to define ourselves as Jesus instructed us, loving one another.

 

Words With Friends

In yesterday’s post I used the word submission a bunch.  The unfortunate, and fortunate, thing about using a word like submission is that it carries different meanings for different people.  In fact, this can be said about most words.  Not all words carry quite the same amount of weight as the word submission does, but words do not exist in a vacuum.  What we intend to say and what we actually say with our words is just as dependent upon those hearing them as it is on the speaker or writer.  Speaking or writing is really just the beginning of communication, not the end of it.

The other day I got in a tweebate (a debate on Twitter) with a friend that ended with him asking this question: Do words only hold their meanings based on others or should it be the person speaking that allows room for a different meaning with the phrase?  This friend is also a minister.  So, two preachers were left with this question of what happens to words once they are spoken.  This is a pretty important question to preachers, as it would be to other speakers, writers and various forms of word crafters.  The problem is that crafters of words don’t have any control over what happens once those words have been spoken/written.  Whether or not the crafter answers yes to the second half of the question the answer to the first half will remain yes.  We can either fight what is simply reality or accept and embrace it.

And this is what I mean when I talk about submission.  Once I have spoken words, either as a preacher or simply as one human being trying to communicate with another, my words are at the mercy of those who hear them.  It doesn’t mean that I can only say what someone else has forced me to say, which is a different kind of submission.  It simply means that I recognize the moment I have spoken I am no longer in control.

An example.  I like to tease people, especially my wife, by pretending to be offended by something they did not mean to be offensive.  One time when I was doing this my wife said, “You make everything worse.” This, of course, merely set me up for the ultimate offense, suggesting that she was saying that no matter what I make things worse, rather than that I make everything sound worse than it was.

What oftentimes ends up happening with this is that people stop saying much at all, for fear that they may be misunderstood, misinterpreted or misrepresented.  Rather than submitting themselves to those who would hear what they say, they say very little, and only in ways that cannot possibly be misunderstood.  They refuse to submit.  This is most obvious in a world of scripted press conferences and issued statements intended to avoid controversy, but it takes place all the time in other areas of life.

We stop doing things for fear that our actions might be misunderstood, misinterpreted, misrepresented or mistaken.  We don’t give to a homeless person because they may not use the money in the way that we intended.  We don’t sing a song in worship because we aren’t sure we will sound like we want to sound, seeing as though we only worry about sounding bad in front of others.  We don’t offer a greeting to a stranger because they may not return it.  We don’t offer a helping hand because it may entail more than we intended to give.  In short, we are unwilling to submit and live with others because we don’t want to not be in control of ourselves and our lives.

There’s a dirty little secret out there, though, and I already shared it earlier.  We don’t really have control.  Just as our words are no longer our own the moment they leave our mouths, our fingers or our pens, our lives are always at the control of others as well.  Submission is simply accepting this and living into it intentionally, seeking to influence rather than control.  It does not mean doing whatever anyone else tells you to do, but to offer what gifts you have knowing the risks that they may not always be used as you would like.  The only alternative is to hide them away, as well as yourself, from all other living things.  How is that any different from death?  Living, really being alive, means a kind of submission.  You can take that however you want.

 

For Better or For Worse

These words are spoken at most wedding ceremonies during the vows.  The commitment made in these words is probably the best metaphor we have for covenant in our modern world.  While there is certainly an argument that the metaphor falls apart when you consider the rate of divorce, those that succeed paint the picture of covenant and commitment in a way that cannot be undone by any number of divorces.  For better or for worse is a statement of submission made by two individuals.  That’s right, I’m talking about submission and marriage together, and I know how dangerous that can be.  But, the submission that is most often talked about in reference to marriage is far too small to describe anything having to do with covenant.

First off, please note that I am saying it is a statement of submission from both sides of the aisle, not one side only, or even one side more than the other.  It must be a submission, equal and all encompassing from both sides of the aisle or there is only a partial commitment, which is really no commitment at all.  I’m not usually an all or nothing type but when it comes to words like commitment and covenant it’s kind of an all or nothing kind of thing.  Either you are willing to commit yourself to something no matter what or not.  And that’s really what the for better or worse is all about, it is saying “no matter what.”

Which brings us to another point, it is not simply submission to the other person but also submission to whatever outside circumstances may be brought to bear as well.  While many marriages certainly fail due to internal conflict/circumstances many more fail due to external circumstances.  Something or someone better comes along.  Things just aren’t quite the way one person or the other or both thought they would be.  There isn’t enough money.  There are health problems or infertility.  Other people seem happier, either married or single.  One person or the other lost their job and became a different person.  There are so many different pressures and circumstances that come on a marriage from the outside that are completely unforeseen, and suddenly for better or for worse becomes we just can’t/won’t make it work.

Whether it is internal or external the unforeseen becomes the out clause used to escape the for better or for worse.  That’s not the way covenant or commitment are supposed to work, though.  Remember, the for better or for worse really means “no matter what.”  Many couples who have been married for many years point to that as the reason they lasted, not that everything was “happily ever after”, but that they meant for better or for worse.  No. Matter. What.

When Jesus says follow me, when God calls Abraham out of Ur, when Gabriel speaks to Mary, that is what is asked.  These covenants, and the other covenants in the Bible require a “no matter what” kind of commitment.  It is why so many turn away from Jesus in the Gospels, and probably part of the reason why many churches are failing today.  Remember, though, that submission comes from both sides.  God has already submitted to us and the circumstances we create.  Too often we only see ourselves as submitting to God, but the whole story of God shows God submitting to us.  Success in a covenant doesn’t mean “happily ever after” it means “no matter what.”  God already knows this and lives it out.  Are we willing to enter a covenant with God, to follow Jesus “no matter what?”